If
you’re honest with yourself, you must admit that there are fears that attempt
to creep into your consciousness, particularly when you are considering doing
something new. These fears have a dual purpose: 1) to keep you from enjoying
life now to its fullest; and 2) to lure you into placing them in your
subconscious mind through inordinate worry about them in order that they may
contribute to your early demise. In order to achieve the greatest level of
success possible, you must challenge these fears and conquer them completely.
Otherwise, they will rob you of the personal joy and satisfaction of all that
you have already accomplished and inhibit your belief that you can achieve an
even greater level of personal success in the future. The 7 Basic Fears include: criticism, ostracism, being alone, losing
everything, aging, having debilitating sickness and death.
No
one enjoys being criticized, particularly when it is not constructive—and most
of the criticism people will give you tends to be less than helpful and more an
opportunity for them to share their negative thoughts about you. But you must decide that you cannot let your
fear of criticism keep you from your destiny. The lesson you must learn is that
people will criticize you whatever you choose to do or not do. If you make or
refuse to make decisions based on whether or not you will be criticized, then
you will forever have to change whatever course you take whenever the criticism
gets too harsh. The antidote to this fear of criticism is to realize that since
you’re subject to criticism no matter what you do, you need to do whatever you
believe will get you to the personal success you seek. You do have a
choice: you can be criticized for
succeeding or failing. Choose the former!
If
you’re not careful, your fear of ostracism—being put out, separated from the
company of those you admire—can work to thwart your goal of becoming
successful. If your sense of who you are requires the approval of others to
validate you, then you will make decisions not based on what you believe to be
the right or best choices, but on the responses of your social validators. In
that case, you’re not functioning as a self-determining subject, but rather, as
an other-directed object, devoid of the capacity of agency that defines your
humanity in a state of freedom.
The
fear of being alone is so common in our society that people rush into
meaningless and unfulfilling relationships in order to avoid it. In fact,
countless people stay in unrewarding and lifeless relationships just so they
won’t experience being alone. Somewhere deep in the recesses of our brains is
this fear of abandonment, of being left alone forever. As with any fear you may
experience, the first step is to acknowledge it and seek to discover what in your
past caused this fear. Discovering the root cause of this fear is important for
gaining the confidence you need to overcome it.
You
cannot get to personal success without taking risks—large, life-changing risks.
The risks related to moving forward, however, are not as scary or difficult to
face and overcome as the risks associated with leaving the comfort zone of your
present experience. If you’re not careful, the fear of leaving and losing
everything you have will keep you from moving into the future where your
success lies. In order to take any journey, you must leave where you are to get
where you’re going.
Your
fear of losing everything you know, understand and with which you’re familiar rears
its ugly head whenever you’re required to move away from your past in order to
embrace your future. Countless people let this fear of losing everything inhibit
them from risking the loss of their current life to gain the benefit of a
better, more fulfilling life. Success cannot be achieved without taking
significant personal risks—not once, but over and over again.
Fear
of aging is not something that crosses the minds of young people: they presume
that they will be young forever. But for people over the age of 35, there just
may be some momentary, fleeting thoughts about what life will be like when
they’re older.
Modern
medicine has actually heightened the fear of aging for many people. Because
medical science has found ways to treat chronic illness and prolong life, many
people are worried about outliving their resources. So the thought of aging
brings with it the fear of ending up in poverty, regardless of the financial
success that may have been part of life when they were younger. You must decide
not to worry or fret about what might happen to you when you’re 95. You must
believe that you will never get old until you decide to be old—which may be
when you’re 137!
The
fear of contracting or inheriting a debilitating sickness is more on the minds
of aging people and younger persons who are aware of their family medical
history than on people in the population generally. This fear has the ability
to limit people’s choices for themselves today because they feel tethered to
inevitable time-lines in which they see themselves crippled physically,
mentally and/or emotionally tomorrow. Consequently, they make what they believe
to be “safe” choices—not the choices they would even consider for themselves if
the fear of a debilitating sickness were not hanging over their heads.
Like
every other fear that stands in the way of your success, this fear must be
faced squarely and conquered. You must decide and focus your thoughts on the
fact of your long-term health and well-being. You must live your life believing
that nothing can keep you from achieving your destiny. Such an attitude will
allow you—in the worst case scenario—to adjust to whatever happens to you and
keep moving forward into the future, undeterred. Your Faith and Iron Will are
sufficient to get you where you desire to be in life.
Death
is probably the biggest fear that most people have. It can come at any moment
and it is usually unexpected. There is a real sense in which each of the six
fears mentioned before this one have direct, though long, tendrils that connect
to your fear of death—the final frontier. For example, your fears of criticism
and ostracism are related to your not wanting to experience social death. Your
fears of being alone and losing everything mirror your views about the
isolation and the “You can’t take it with you when you go” reality of physical
death. Finally, your fears of aging and debilitating sickness are metaphors for
the emotional and psychological death that you view as an inevitable precursor
to death itself.
Although
a discussion about the fear of death is a difficult one to hold, you must
pursue and master it if you seek to be personally successful. Even when you
tell yourself that death is a natural part of living it doesn’t get at the
heart of your fear of death. Fear of death is linked to a deeper fear that you
will not be able to accomplish all the things you have planned to do in your
life. Therefore, your fear of death is less about the process of dying, and
much more about not having enough time to finish what you’ve started.
When
you examine this root cause fear carefully, you will discover that the
“dis-ease” the fear causes you is illusory. When you really think about it, you
have to admit that you don’t really care, deep down, whether you finish or not.
If you finish, you’ll be looking for your next big project. If you don’t
finish, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that death came to you while
you were working on the project at hand. In either case, life is the process of
living, learning and loving and not necessarily finishing a particular task or
project. In this context, finishing is of no importance whatsoever.
If
you’re ready to face and overcome the fears that are holding you back from a
more prosperous, meaningful and happy life, then consider contacting me to find
out whether you are a good fit for my taking you on as a coaching client. But,
I warn you: I don’t take on everyone—“Many are called, but few are chosen.” I’m only interested in serious people who
have the courage and tenacity to change, stretch themselves, and who are
teachable. Contact me ONLY if
you believe you meet my criteria for taking on coaching clients:
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